


Reminiscent

by Salvasti



Series: A Persistent Memory [3]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Afterlife, Alternative POVs, And you're all alone and it's not at all like what you thought it was going to be like, F/F, Philosophy, What do you call it when you're dead but you're not really dead but you're probably dead?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 07:46:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21352708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salvasti/pseuds/Salvasti
Summary: Everyone talks about prophecies, from when it was created to the fulfillment.  But no one ever talks about the aftermath of said prophecy.  This concludes the series A Persistent Memory (unless inspiration strikes again...)
Relationships: Aino Minako/Hino Rei
Series: A Persistent Memory [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1148162
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Reminiscent

_ I came up from the dark without you...  _

* * *

It was … it wasn’t anything she could say she had seen before, and truth be told, she had seen a lot. This was different, not scary different, but different all the same. For one, it was simply indescribable, which may have been the reason why her mind struggled with it so much. Seriously though, it was...

It was simply nothing.

There was no landscape, no towering peaks of mountains or tree lined avenues. No breezes coming from the ocean, no sweltering heat of summer. It looked, and felt, like nothing. Devoid of the concepts she was realizing she depended on more and more she spun around effortlessly. Still nothing, just a … a murkiness, maybe that was the right word to use.

Murkiness and nothing.

She shivered; it was probably out of her body’s habit to draw upon itself for survival as she didn’t feel cold. For that matter, she didn’t feel much of anything, just, well, empty. Empty like everything that was around, if there was something to even be around. 

A sudden fear had her looking down at her feet. Sandals greeted her, watching almost in wonder as her body seemed to form the longer she looked at herself. Color came next, that shade of yellowish orange that matched her fuku. Her shins and calves took on that healthy glow that came from skirts and the beach, from volleyball and trying to save the world.

Her brow furrowed; was she dead? 

She looked at her hands next, white gloves covering flesh to her elbows. They reached, feeling, running over her body, through her hair. Like a mad, crazed spirit her actions were just to assure herself that she was  _ solid,  _ that she was  _ real. _

That she was real in a place that she should not be real in.

Fear struck then. Fear and frantic looking at everything and anything that could be discerned. Still nothing, no matter how much she looked. Her voice … it sounded odd, strained, possibly giving it all away that she was truly losing it. There wasn’t an answer and truth be told, she wasn’t even sure what she would have done if there was one.

Wide eyes continued to loom around as it was far easier, far better than focusing on  _ what  _ had happened to leave her in this place. No, she didn’t want to think on  _ that  _ just yet. She didn’t want to  _ remember  _ the pain, the searing, the fact it had all slipped from her fingers. She didn’t want to recall the screams…

The screams.

Shuddering she looked around again, needing something now, more than ever, to cling to lest her sanity fade away completely. Perhaps she should have put more stock into things like religion, maybe she would have found comfort in such trying times.

The swallow was painful. It hurt, a sensation she could  _ feel  _ beyond the tight hold her hands had on each other. It made her cough, then again, kneeling on  _ nothing  _ as she struggled to breathe past that solid lump that seemed to have developed in her throat.

Oh Gods she was going to die like  _ this. _

“You’re here. It must mean that … everything came to pass.” A voice; that was  _ her  _ voice replied in answer to her coughs. It  _ somehow  _ soothed her, allowing her to look up with a hiccup and hands that were trying to wipe away the tears that clouded her vision.

If this was her, it didn’t  _ look  _ like something she would wear. For that matter  _ she  _ looked older than she was, pegging the apparition before her as mid twenties and not seventeen.

It  _ was  _ her though, that was the issue. Within herself she knew it, one of those things that were infallible. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. Perhaps then the problem was that some aspect of herself was  _ here, _ wherever here was. A fragment of herself as a whole, a missing piece that now, when she was face to face with it, she could realize that a piece of her  _ had  _ been missing.

It was like looking into a mirror yet it wasn’t.

* * *

Her eyes opened slowly as though she was waking from sleep. It wasn’t the same though, no sounds were picked up on. No rustle of the blossoms of the cherry trees as a breeze danced among the branches. No cawing remark from either raven as they conversed. No scents of the well loved, and in some cases worn, temple. There was that lack of wood, of incense and smoke that greeted her everyday she woke before.

None of that now.

It begged the question then; was she still asleep?

See, it was far better to question her state of consciousness than it was to question her state of living. Reincarnation was not a tenant of her faith; more than once she bit her tongue when Usagi would go on and on about her past life with Mamoru. Or of themselves.

It rarely helped that the one person she  _ trusted,  _ perhaps, refused to say a word on it. Her best friend was always silent on the past, which equally caused the sleepless nights that plagued her more often than not.

Reincarnation was not a Shinto mechanic. Catholicism … she attended a Catholic school sure; appearances, reputations, and the like all had to be maintained. It didn’t  _ mean  _ that she actually  _ believed  _ in any of it.

This was too much.

She remembered every bit of detail that maybe, she never should have. If it was divine punishment she was still left to discover her crime, and with that a mystery it made it impossible to atone anyway. Why she should  _ need  _ to… well, that was always a favorite question she asked herself during those sleepless nights.

Part of her thought that Minako really knew, that she really remembered. It was hard to justify though, or perhaps rationalize was a better term, when all the blonde did was adopt a new obsession of the week. Her dates amounted to nothing and more often than not, she’d wind up again at the shrine; her  _ home  _ in  _ this  _ life. She’d arrive and lament over the fact of something trivial; he wasn’t kind or nice enough or pretty enough or paid attention to her or any number of things.

It made her a bad friend when all she wanted to do was just snap at the blonde, and demand to know since when was  _ she  _ not good  _ enough. _

She never did of course. It probably ate at her, but she lived long enough, or so she liked to believe, that it didn’t  _ bother  _ her as much as it  _ used  _ to. It was wrong to lie to oneself, so it became easier to just let her mind drift to times of before, on the Moon, while the blonde of now would go on about said failed date.

Sure it made for quick excuses when the other would ask about something, but somehow she kept managing to say just the right thing. It rewarded and tortured her with a hug many times, before she’d leave.

So the sleepless nights were really for a multitude of reasons, if she was completely honest with herself for once about it.

The now though… her eyes picked nothing out, a void of indescribable anything. Nothing was there outside of her, an endless expanse of murky off white. 

That’s really why she wasn’t so  _ surprised  _ to see  _ her  _ there.

* * *

_ ...And every day has been in shadow...  _

* * *

“So… let me make sure I understand this right. You’re … me and I’m … you.”

The person that looked like her held a wealth of patience that was rapidly deteriorating away as she sat on  _ nothing  _ really, nodded her head again. “Right.”

“And you’re me from way back from before?”

“Right. From the Moon.”

“Then how come I don’t remember you at all or anything at all about this?”

The other person shrugged, idly turning a helmet in her hands. It was almost distracting her from the reality of the situation before it finally stopped to be set aside. Leaning forward a bit, her chin went to rest on her upturned hand. “Let’s make this easier on us both. What was the last thing that  _ you  _ do remember?”

She knew what was being asked, but no one ever  _ asked  _ her that. Not even Artemis. That was worth a frown, pushing back memories of a winged horse, the future, and scary outer system entities that wanted to destroy everything. Her gaze nearly bored a hole in the imaginary ground the more that she thought, feeling something hazy, like it should be there but wasn’t. It was worse than a locked door because she couldn’t even  _ see  _ it. “Becoming Sailor V.” She finally answered, even though it felt like an incomplete answer.

“I’m going to name a name. I want you to tell me the first thing you associate with it, understand? Nothing less, nothing more, just the first thing that comes to mind.”

* * *

“She doesn’t remember anything. Nothing from before, just … just everything after the  _ reset. _ ” It wasn’t lamenting really, but she couldn’t keep the sadness out of her voice entirely. They sat on the imaginary ground, facing each other, while a fire driven fully by the other’s sheer will burned between them.

It was perhaps ironic that she had rebelled so much, had given herself so much grief, and yet she held to memories where Minako did not. All that time spent meditating was not just for duties and responsibilities; it was the connection to herself that transcended time and space. It was a way to fuse with the fragments she didn’t want to be, the splinters of essences that existed from each predicted significant event.

They called it premonition; she knew she just  _ remembered. _

Dying. The essence of their powers removed. Their dreams shattered. Their souls gleaned for worth then discarded.

It was hard to be right and even harder to keep going on when she  _ knew  _ what would happen eventually.

Her eyes rose, watching as the other weighed on what was said until now. A pressing of lips, twisting in dissatisfaction. The narrowing gaze of eyes, an inhale of breath, the following exhale, and finally a slumping of shoulders.

“That.” She shook her head, stopping. Moments passed that seemed to stretch for hours or maybe it was just seconds before she tried again. “Be that as it may, I refuse to accept it.” A pointed look was given, “This could have been avoided.”

She wasn’t going to rise to the occasion and take the bait, at least not now. This was old news; it had already been expressed afterall.

“Yet here we are, and thus we must make of things as we can.” 

She watched as the other gave it further thought, not in a hurry but what was time here? How long had it been? There was nothing to gauge, nothing to judge. She felt too much of  _ nothing  _ in the first place that it was impossible to really know. Had it been hours, days? Had she been dead for years, her grandfather perhaps thinking something had happened? Perhaps at school, save the officials would have contacted him. No, that wouldn’t be it. Perhaps with her  _ friends, _ but would not the police have spoken to him?

He had already lost his daughter. To lose his granddaughter might be enough to send him over. She felt a tightness in her chest, a constriction growing. Raising her hand she pressed it hard to her heart, ignoring the look that was given to her. It was hard to focus, to think, to feel anything beyond the grasp that held her.

She left without saying a word to him. She left without a goodbye to her mother.

For that matter, she left without confessing anything to Minako, much less actually pressing her to find out if she remembered.

_ Kami-sama this is hardly fair… _

* * *

“Beryl…” It was a name that sounded so familiar yet was far too hazy still. Like a memory from a dream that happened months ago, try as she might to recall it, it kept slipping through her fingers like smoke and sand. “I…”

“Here. I want you to hold this.” That person who looked too much like her produced a sword out of seemingly nowhere. Then again this was  _ nowhere  _ and  _ nothing  _ so it was fitting. It looked like a nice sword, if she was into things like that which she wasn’t. She did appreciate things for their beauty however, and it truly was beautiful.

Save that fresh red blood decorated the end of it.

She felt like it should be familiar. That she should  _ know  _ why it was. Like a light attempting to pierce through the fog, the name and the sword fought against the murkiness. Her hesitation must have been tangible and easy to detect, as her hand was taken and curled around the grip of the otherwise fresh looking made instrument of war.

A gasp was all she could manage.

* * *

“The truth of the matter is, you’re here which means you’re dead. You exist as a spirit, an inconsequential being. A fragment, if you will. For the most part your essence hasn’t splintered off to different versions of yourself, if that’s your fear. There’s simply two of you, yourself and myself, and the fact that you’re  _ here." _

“Here is…?”

“I haven’t the foggiest of ideas. Time flows differently here, if it even moves at all. Concepts of hunger and rest are far fetched; you simply  _ don’t  _ therefore you pay them no mind. Nothing  _ exists  _ to judge time by just this damnable white nothingness. It took me  _ time  _ though how to figure out how to give myself a corporeal form, otherwise I’d just be a wisp. You’ve obviously figured it out as well for the moment, but give it time and you’ll likely start fading momentarily. Beyond that, this fire,” a wave of a hand, “is all I’ve managed. There is no one else here that I can find, and while I can will myself about, there is nothing to be found.”

“How then can you be here if you just said that I didn’t splinter off?”

“That?” A pause, consideration again, before a question. “You said that things were  _ reset,  _ by what means then did your powers reawaken?”

That.

“Luna and Artemis, though really it was Luna more than anything. He wasn’t around Minako like he had been, in the beginning.”

A face was made and she could somewhat understand why. She  _ remembered _ a lot of things after all, and while she couldn’t quite explain the aversion the blonde had for either one, even she would have to admit that Luna could and did wear on her nerves from before. In the now… the cat always looked at her with more than curiosity; perhaps she knew the truth.

“Meditation brought on the rest.” Supplying the last bit she took herself in. Part of her had expected the robes she wore back then, when she first made her presence known. This was what she had died in, uniformed and armored. Part of her admitted it looked nice, but for all its protection it didn’t save her. With nothing else to do while her other self thought about what she said, she just stared, finally blurting out a question. “Why does your uniform look like those of people we killed?”

* * *

Memories were not always a blessing.

How long she was in the hold of them, she wasn’t sure. Just that she was. Of course it didn’t help that nothing changed, the scenery and amazing lack thereof was still the same. The only thing that really had was herself, crouching by her side before sitting back as she came back to. 

Just who was behind making sure she didn’t remember  _ anything?  _ There was so much she could have known, could have done, if she just  _ remembered  _ about it in the first place.

Turning her gaze at herself, a past relic of when this all started, she silently implored for an answer that wouldn’t be forthcoming. Too many things she recalled, her life merging and overlapping with things of long ago that it was hard to remember just who exactly it all belonged to. She took a breath that felt too much like a sobbing choke and felt the next hit of reality.

Rei was dead. 

Just as she was, and she never got to tell her anything. That there was something,  _ something,  _ hazy and distant memories that  _ something  _ should be there and wasn’t. That she felt  _ something  _ she couldn’t explain and buried it under a wealth of attempted dates and overly enthusiastic personality.

This was not fair.

* * *

“We suspected, and probably had proof that we could not fully comprehend, that the Queen and Beryl were working together. To what end we had likely far fetched, but plausible, ideas. It never really struck me at the time, possibly because there was always something going on, that our uniforms looked similar to theirs. It was the little things like that we never really noticed despite seeing them in the circumstances we did.” She shrugged, irritably picking at the material of a sleeve. “I hated wearing this, yet it became familiar to the point all the times I tried to change, they never fit right.”

She knew what the other meant. For years she wore robes, and for a brief time on the Moon it was a uniform with staggering implications of the nature between planet and satellite.

“As for you… you said Luna. They were in the room with the rest of us when everything happened. I could not say though what befell them, for all we were trying to do was escape at that point. At some point that idiotic Terran Prince was separated from us as well. It was five of us, that became two, that become nothing more.”

“She didn’t know… or she refused to bring up the weight of the past.” She heard herself offer as the pieces began to slowly connect. “We knew only what she wanted us to know.”

“Perhaps. It could be as petty as that or to spare you all. We had no indications of the things she knew, that they both knew. It was more than us of course, but so much still caught them unaware. Especially when the Terrans arrived on the Moon, Luna was injured in the process. We could not conjure a legitimate reason that, if she was involved, they would go to such extremes.”

She knew some of this, but sometimes she found it difficult to separate the two different truths that existed in her life and mind. Meditation and numerous conversations with herself chiseled away at some of the imperfections, but not all of them.

A frown before something else came to mind, though she suspected she knew the answer to it already. “What happened to Phobos and Demios, on the Moon?”

Those eyes turned to look at her again, speaking all the volumes that would never really be uttered.

* * *

_ ...I have begged the tide to wash away my sin… _

* * *

“Why couldn’t I have remembered this?” It was brokenly whispered to the nothing that was going to be her life. She wasn’t expecting an answer despite longing for one all the same. It felt like she had been punched, hard, right in the stomach. 

Oh yes, she could  _ feel  _ that.

The ache in her throat, the way that it hurt to swallow. The sting in her eyes, the way it ached to keep them open and  _ see.  _ What really was the point, was there a point now?

Wasn’t she dead?

A slight shrug was her answer that she hadn’t really been looking for but greedily accepted. It seemed so perfect, a fitting response to such a loaded question. She would have made a snarky remark if it wasn’t for the fact it was the same sort of answer she would give.

Of course, she was the one to give it, after all.

“Piece things together. You remember now everything up to before, to Beryl’s reemergence, and then whatever happened after that. Something happened at Beryl.”

“We died…”

“Indeed, but you came back to life.”

“It… it was Luna. She made us remember  _ some  _ things but not  _ everything.  _ We … our powers came back then, but no one could remember what things were like before. Maybe … maybe save Usagi. Or Rei…”

“I don’t know what happened to either of them on the Moon. They were there though; anyone who was  _ anyone  _ was there after all. I didn’t look for them once everything happened, and honestly, they never crossed my mind to be on the lookout. We … we all just wanted to get away, to survive, but it wasn’t like there was anywhere to go.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Simply that. The Palace was under siege, and any ships that I recall seeing in the sky were obliterated. It’s an instinct to run, to put distance between you and a threat, but even if we managed to get to a shuttle, it wouldn’t have done any good. Ami was dead; I couldn’t pilot one, and what were the chances that we would have cleared the area without being shot down?” She shook her head, “there wasn’t anything we could have done, save die, and we did that well enough.”

The sarcasm was there, an attempt to mask the hurt and betrayal. It was not very effective.

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. Truth be told, it probably didn’t matter.

* * *

“I suppose my question is… how are you here? You said you’re a fragment of me and… I don’t understand it.”

“You died in a different place than I did to begin with. For whatever reason you did not immediately recall your life before. Truth be told it’s been eons since the Moon and your life now, our collective soul was reborn but it’s missing a critical piece, me, and unless you returned to the Moon again after Beryl, this was going to happen.”

“So even if Luna knew…”

“Right, she wouldn’t have been able to prevent this. You’re fragmented, just like the rest of us, save perhaps the Princess. I am inclined to believe that she knows everything and perhaps out of atonement for her past life, has never reminded you of this.”

She wasn’t quite sure Usagi could be that selfless, but perhaps there was some aspect of herself that could be.

“You’re here now though, wherever here is.”

“Theoretically then…”

“Essentially yes, but you’ve been holding back ever since I first found you. You’re dead now,” she gestured with her hands, an almost flippant display, “why exactly are you so adamant about not loving her?”

She didn’t like to be put on the spot, feeling her temper rise. Of course she knew the other  _ knew  _ it; they were the same person and she was  _ right;  _ it wasn’t like  _ she  _ had anywhere  _ else  _ to  _ be.  _ “I have a-”

“Oh come off it. Your reputation means nothing save a crutch that you use as justification to be cranky and distant.” The other interjected at once, shooting down her defenses. “You have everything  _ I  _ did, and instead you squander it and shove it away because of some air you must maintain.”

“It’s not like Minako remembers you!” Her temper flared and she gave into it. “She’s running around dating anything that catches her attention!”

“Instead of you.”

“Instead of me!” The words hung in the air before she realized what she said, feeling her face instantly flush. The other smirked at her, bemused at her reaction.

“She was persistent then, situational circumstances or not, you had them in your own time. You just chose to ignore them, and her, to maintain this facade. I will agree with you; she does not recall things in the manner that you do, but I imagine she is undergoing her own crisis of understanding. Minako was… _ is _ … confident in everything but herself. Her doubts plague her and rarely did she assuage them enough to leave her be. For her to be the Embodiment of her Goddess, I doubt said Goddess was so scared and wary when it came to her heart. Save that it makes sense that she is, for the heart can betray and wound us most grievously. I found her to be an irritation and vocalized it on more than one occasion, but I didn’t fall for her simply because she saved my life on more than one occasion. I did because of her nature, her selflessness, that she routinely and willingly put the needs of others above her own. Even when she should be resting, or eating, or any number of things, she was always caring for others. Make no mistake, it may have been admiration born of irritation that blossomed into something far more, but I meant it every time I told her my declaration. In hindsight, I should have said it far more than the times that I did. We knew we, as a whole, were falling from the grace that was keeping us alive yet we still believed in our ignorance that somehow, some way, it would work out and be worth it. In the end, I at least could say I died loving her, and her loving me, and despite the misgivings that occurred, I died with friends.”

* * *

_ ...And take me to you in the dark… _

* * *

Blue eyes locked back on her, a single brow raising before the same eyes rolled. “This must be some sort of cruel joke being played on me by the Cosmos. I would have thought meeting myself, no matter the time or situation that brought it on, I’d still see parts of myself that I recognize. Instead I see version of me that is timid, scared, and doesn’t act on any of her convictions.” She made a sound of disgust before waving her hand. “This is absurd. Let’s make this clear between you and I. We exist as two separate beings of the same soul, either side of a singular coin. Polar opposites in some regards and the same in others. You’ve decided to ignore what your soul calls for, and while I will give considerable leeway towards the fact you simply  _ didn’t  _ remember, there’s part of you that  _ did _ that you never gave a chance to.”

“Rei doesn’t even like me like that.”

“Have you even asked her that or are you merely assuming that answer?”

She frowned, not liking the fact she was being called out on anything. She had done the best she could do, and to be faulted over something that she didn’t even  _ know  _ about was not sitting well. “Why the hell does it even matter? You’re dead, I’m dead, we  _ all  _ are fucking  _ dead. _ ”

The other one rolled her eyes again. “Because this is  _ your  _ chance to fix any number of things. This is  _ your  _ opportunity to have an epiphany, to reevaluate your ways, to consider what you would  _ do  _ if given the chance to  _ do  _ it all over again. You’re not meant for here any more than I am, and at some point you’ll leave and hopefully, I can pass to somewhere that she’s at and finally, for once, relax. You’re going to return to the living world, fully aware of your life, of  _ my  _ life, and the decisions to be made. The fact you are here leads me to believe that the rest are, likely having these same sort of conversations with themselves. They all have a choice like you do; we chose to arrive, to serve, and we were taken advantage of. We’ve met all the prerequisites that were proclaimed just before we died, and if Usagi is the kind of person you hold her to be, I doubt you’ll be subjected to something like you were before, like  _ I  _ was before. I am  _ you,  _ Minako, just as much as you are  _ me.  _ All I wanted to do was my best, to prove people wrong who judged me without even knowing me, and once I met Rei I just wanted to be with her. You’re the same as me, in so many things, until it comes to your heart. That’s where you falter and fail, and I  _ can’t  _ keep feeling it without needing a change.”

“I was cur-”

“By a blathering idiot who had no power over you, but someone who you let  _ have  _ control over you so you could have a crutch to fall back on when things become too intense.” The look she gave must have said it all as the other continued, “You forget, I’m just as much a part of you as you are of I. Your experiences are my own.”

“You’re such a bitch.” She muttered out with a scowl, looking away. It was too much really, the more that she thought about it. She was dead,  _ again _ , another step being completed in a sequence that was foretold long, long ago for reasons she didn’t even want to think about. Here she was, wherever  _ here  _ actually was, being lectured by someone who  _ was  _ her but  _ wasn’t  _ her by a long shot. They shared the same name, the same general features, and apparently the same duty of protecting the Princess. 

That struck a sudden thought, looking back sharply at the visage that was her, despite her misgivings. Her eyes narrowed and out came the question that plagued her ever since this all came to light. “Why did you kill her?”

The look she received was not at all what she was expecting.

* * *

_ ...But every day I surface again… _

* * *

The silence this time was more for her benefit, a way for her to think on all that transpired. Part of her was somewhat fascinated by the fact that the fire, created by her own will in a place that did not really allow for such, burned away merrily. It was calming to her thoughts and ultimately her mind.

Now more than ever she really could use it.

Which part of her was in love with Minako? That was something important for her to decipher. How did she feel about being a pawn, used in a fashion, until Usagi was where she was at now? Another thing that she needed to ponder. If she came back to life again, something apparently that was a strong possibility, how exactly would she handle that crisis of faith? It was important to her, in this life at least.

Her thoughts drew inward, one thing at a time. 

That she had lived and died and lived again had to mean there was some purpose for her, that her duty,  _ whatever it was truly,  _ had not been met satisfactorily. She  _ was  _ a religious person for the peace it brought her, a way to soothe the turmoil within her soul. That was a truth long standing; she had been a Priestess on Mars before Minako ever came along. The similarities were enough, the differences only to the place, the nature of her surroundings. Superficial then.

She could accept this.

Usagi. She loved her in that friendship sort of way, the clumsy girl had a profound effect on her, but then again so did the rest of them. She had  _ died  _ for her enough that any objection that she could have raised would be considered moot at this point. Usagi wasn’t the same insipid girl that had been Princess Serenity.

Growth happened. She could also accept this.

Minako then. The hardest for her to be honest with herself over, as it meant admitting to things she didn’t want to. Yet she had though, didn’t she? She  _ had  _ accepted that her possible crisis of faith would be something she could handle. She came to terms with the fact Usagi had grown throughout the literal ages it had been since the beginning to now.

Slowly, but at the same time it was just a blink of her eyes from their trance to refocus. A warmth filled her, a moment of completion as one last fracture repaired itself in the fabric of her being.

There was no one else here, and for once, she found a degree of peace.

* * *

“She was smart, you have to understand this above all other things. She was willing to work with Serenity, to further the Queen’s goals and in return, her own. Just how far her influence spread I cannot imagine, but it was well beyond that of Terra and Mars I suspect. From the moment the Queen of Mars had her vision and came to the Lunar kingdom, Beryl had been at work. Chances are Serenity shared with her what the Martian Queen saw, or at least warned of since we didn’t quite find out what happened. Identifying then her as a threat, the Queen likely disposed of her while Beryl infiltrated the red planet. The King became a puppet slowly at the hands of one of Beryl’s henchmen, while the Queen presented her idea of absolute subjugation to the rest of the System. Once I arrived on the Martian surface, Beryl had already ensured that the Terran Queen would not be a threat to anyone. By the time Rei and I arrived on the Moon, Beryl was the Queen of Terra in all but name, a situation she remedied soon enough. The meetings between her and Serenity were to finalize the final steps of what Serenity wanted. We  _ had  _ to die, there was no way around it. Our souls were  _ bound  _ to her Crystal, tied by our awakening powers, but out deaths were  _ needed  _ to complete the ritual. So that the Princess could gain this power, the Queen herself had to die and the Crystal pass to her.”

That her gaze was riveted was to be expected.

“Beryl used powerful hypnosis, compulsion, and charm, which became further amplified by Serenity. It allowed her to sway those to her cause, to Serenity’s cause, with little rebellion. Beyond that though it was simply plays of power; they created the game and they set the rules, naturally without sharing them with others and perhaps, each other. No one liked Terra for numerous reasons, some  _ far  _ more painful than others, and they played off of it. At some point after we died on the Moon so would our homes fall, likely under the same rallying banner cry of the Armies of the Gods are with us. We died learning the Gods were possibly Serenity and Beryl, but we were not the Armies, not yet. That is  _ you, _ I, now. Serenity, and to a degree Beryl, ensured that the Princess would ascend to a higher life by our servitude and our deaths.”

She shook her head.

“You asked though why I killed her, at the end. Why did I run her through and stain a sword’s blade when manifested Shadows could not taint such purity. I killed her because she  _ asked  _ me to. I killed her because she  _ didn’t want to become like her Prince.  _ Because she wanted to  _ die  _ under her own control instead of becoming a pawn.” It was bitter, the brief moment of laughter that escaped the other. Bitter and full of something akin to hatred. “Because the spoiled girl that plucked us from the lives we  _ could  _ have had were not the lives we were  _ meant  _ to have could not face the fact others had  _ died  _ for her, had  _ little  _ choice in the matter. That theirs was not to question why but instead, do and die. She had  _ seen  _ what became of her precious Prince, and that was her  _ only  _ concern. The rest simply didn’t matter.”

“You.. you could have…”

“What, resisted? Then what? At best we would have been exiled back to our home planets, and that planet likely cast from the precious fucking Alliance. Sanctions against Terra were rough to begin with but at least we had the others that we could rely on and trade with. To be denied that would spell our own doom. Perhaps not right away, perhaps not for generations, but a death sentence all the same. Or, perhaps it would be something worse. We could be given to Beryl, or Serenity for that matter, and become who we were not. An automaton without feeling or thought, or a soul trapped with no way to speak out.”

She was running out of things to say and reactions to have.

“She didn’t want to become a puppet anymore than the rest of us had. Was it a mercy? Maybe. She still was one, she still  _ is  _ one. All I gave her really was her free will, instead of it being twisted from her. A kindness if you want to call it that, a quick death instead of being ripped to shreds.”

The aspect in front of her looked tired and worn down. The tears alone said as much, punctuating each remark that she had done the best she could do, even if it was wrong in hindsight. She had tried to protect her despite how she was treated in turn, and gave her what seemed like now impossible to actually do. Could she, herself, in her life as she knew it before or even after this, kill Usagi? Could she sacrifice her for the greater good, proving that the ends justify the means?

Part of her wanted to say that love was always pure and would save the day. She knew though, at the same, that love meant doing whatever  _ was  _ necessary, even if it was hard. The Minako of the Moon loved the Princess in her fashion, or at least held her honor in such esteem, and defended her. It was from that love that she tried so much and in the end, did what was necessary to spare her an uncertain future and unnecessary pain. Even if it meant she died alone.

“I understand.” Softly she said, for she did. Her dreams and hopes and even ideals she had cast aside, throwing herself into being Sailor Venus. She gave up on love, settling for companions and shitty dates. Her dreams, singing and dancing and being an actress were just distractions, a way to rebel against destiny and fate. It was funny how, despite her ragings, she still did what was expected of her. In this regard, nothing had really changed. She might not like it, she might secretly hate it, but when it came down to it, she would still do what she was bound to do.

She understood at last and in that regard, she found peace.

* * *

_ ...But in the spring, I am betrayed by the new earth… _

* * *

For all the peace though, it meant nothing when she was still  _ here.  _ There wasn’t any point in looking around and so she didn’t, instead focusing on the manner of the flames and the peace it brought. There she would be able to discern any changes to her surroundings, or at least that was what she was willing to bet.

She wondered how the others fared, recalling the words of before. None of them ever gave any indication that they knew, or didn’t know, about their lives even prior to Beryl. She recalled in a bit of a haze that required some focusing just what life was like on the Moon, how they interacted with one another and how others with them. While they certainly didn’t get completely along, especially towards the end, it was their concern for Minako far more than the Princess that united them.

The Venusian of before held her own misgivings but did not always vocalize them. Far too used to relying on just herself, even when they were gathered she still didn’t delegate out much of anything. Fear of losing control or just a lack of trust, part of her wondered if Minako simply didn’t want them to forget who they were and that was why she hadn’t stepped down from duties. They had their freedom while she … she just did what she  _ always  _ did.

Maybe if things had been different. Perhaps if the Princess was not so spoiled, if the Lunarians did not treat them as barbarians at the gate. Or if the Queen had been upfront and honest with them. For that matter, if her mother of then had not died after leaving her at a temple; a notion she was still trying to find the reasoning behind and her memories of before were turning up nothing. If her mother had not, if the King had not been mentally manipulated.

If. If. If.

Of course, if things had been different, there was no guarantee that her and Minako would have ever gotten along, much less into the relationship they had. From the start her past life found the blonde to be an irritation, but it was entirely due to her sudden arrival. How would it have been if she arrived on the Moon; that they  _ all  _ did, initially and when they were  _ supposed  _ to? Would she still have considered Minako to be the irritation or would she have challenged her for leadership? Mars was known for war; she had discovered that in recalling memories both distant and more current of fights, would she have allowed for someone from Venus to tell her what to do?

Save that, in a fashion, they all did. Minako was responsible for them all, even the Outers who mostly did not like it. When push came to shove, which it often did when you had so many personalities clashing, she managed to wrangle them all together into a more cohesive unit if just for Usagi’s sake.

Then there was now. She had watched over them for a while as Sailor V, choosing, or perhaps fate decided, when it was time for her appear. Things went  _ easier  _ with her there, then again they were all dealing with the nature of their first reincarnation. Necessity then made for  _ having  _ to when perhaps, anyone of them wanted to rebel.

It had been a long time, counting out everything that didn't apply. She was tired, a soul that was far too old in the modern world. There was still the matter of what would she do with her life; they knew what the future held somewhat, but not necessarily  _ how  _ it would happen. Setsuna was rather tight lipped on it, which brought up another point of wonder. Just how much did the woman know, and what was her role in everything? She doubted she would ever explain to them, perhaps to Usagi but it was probably something the elusive woman would continually elude any answers about.

Honestly, she hadn’t given much thought towards purgatory, a subject that her schooling danced around and her faith found no basis in. This though felt like it.

* * *

It felt like she had been sitting there for forever, gazing at her sandals as though they held the secrets of the universe. For all she knew they really did, and with nothing else to do, then the least that she  _ could  _ do was simply stare at them. 

It was silent but that was to be expected. She felt turmoil but she supposed that was also to be expected given  _ everything  _ that happened. Far too much to think on and none of it that she actually wanted to. Or maybe, none of it was anything she  _ had  _ to think on. She just had to be here, alone with her thoughts until something  _ else  _ came along. 

Then there would be that.

Did she resent Usagi? No, but she could understand how her past and previous self found the Princess to be a hard notion to swallow. She got along with Artemis,  _ for the most part,  _ but then again she  _ knew  _ that he kept some things from her. The reasoning might have excused it to a point but it probably depended on her mood.

She got it, back then she was a hardass but she understood why. She didn’t rely on anyone because she was used to being alone. Society expected her to fail and it was enough of a driving force that she demanded success. That was something she could relate to in the now, or had before. The haze of memories and what was real and not made it difficult to recall just when she  _ didn’t  _ feel that way any longer. 

Maybe it was fate’s way of telling her that they’d have each other for a long time and she’d do well to learn that she could rely on them.

Rei though.

Of them all yes, she felt the closest to. Rei antagonized her in ways that made her a better leader, that cool disposition that could give way to a temper as bad as the flames she commanded. There was something about her but she honestly wasn’t sure if it was attraction. At least not  _ that  _ kind of attraction.

But.

Maybe it was.

She owed herself some honesty. Her dates had always been lackluster affairs; rebellion or not no one had managed to hold her attention the way that Rei did. While she could rightly be accused of being flighty it wasn’t like she didn’t give  _ them  _ a chance. She played the role, often bored out of her mind in the process, but they never  _ got  _ it. Then again it wasn’t like it was easy to bring up that she was a Senshi, of Venus no less, and that if things got serious how exactly would they take to the fact she might have to up and vanish for a bit, a while, and maybe she’d come back not entirely  _ too  _ bruised up?

If it happened to her, for example, she’d accuse the other of cheating on her. Which she’d have absolutely no part in and they’d be dumped much like her test scores did on a  _ surprise  _ quiz.

She knew that her past self, though merged back together with her somehow and not in an understanding way was probably laughing her ass off at all this.

Her mind settled on Rei then, trying to come up with all the reasons  _ why  _ it wouldn’t work, only to be countered with all the reasons why it  _ would. _

It was something she’d try, settling at last on that. If it was something could be brought up without considerable embarrassment on  _ both  _ of their behalfs, she would. Things would be different; they weren’t the same people but there was that lingering familiarity that she could at least identify.

If she ever got out of here at least.

* * *

_ ...With you in my heart, I am born again a green bud… _

* * *

She wouldn’t ever answer if someone were to ask her how it felt to  _ die  _ and  _ return  _ to life. It wasn’t like it was sacred; rather she just didn’t  _ want  _ to have to explain the sheer  _ feelings  _ that coexisted with ones soul while not living.

It took some time but she had found out that they resided, temporarily at least, within a Cauldron of Souls. The Galaxy Cauldron she heard someone call it but couldn’t recall who had said it. It was a name, a way to label the place that she had existed in for a time immeasurable while coming face to face with her past and ultimately, future.

Being alive though…

She wasn’t quite sure if she was the kind of person who believed in second chances. The more that she thought on it, the more she found she didn’t unless the person had done something monumental to earn it. Her father certainly had not, regulating himself to the birthday dinner which was really his opportunity to increase his political influence. She endured only because of her grandfather; she had lost her mother and while it was just easier to say the same for him, the remorse of potential regret was really the only driving reason.

It was like that somewhat, in the past. Save then the Martian King had tried, success to be determined, at some point, passing along a well loved article of clothing and a necklace. She had spied it being worn, a glint among dark armor and a pitch black uniform.

Her eyes rose to her jewelry box, high on a shelf to keep prying hands away. It looked somewhat similar in that way that things could when your memory was challenged. It wasn’t the same, but the sentiment was. Sort of. Perhaps if her now and her then had a better chance of things, it would have a longer lasting impact or she could better draw the correlation between the two outside of they both owned a small thing that belonged to their respective mothers.

Things were as they were though, for a reason.

They were alive. Looks had been exchanged after the joyous reunion. It didn’t really matter  _ how  _ it had happened, or what Usagi  _ had  _ done ultimately. Just that she  _ had  _ and for that, they were  _ alive _ again.

Again.

Until something else came along. Then it begged the question, then what? The future had been changed, in a regard, with Chibi-Usa’s appearance and then departure back to the future. Would the Dark Moon clan still be a thing? Had it been removed as a threat? Crystal Tokyo was still a thing, but would it come with peace or would it be sieged with war?

Sometimes it felt easier when the future was not so certain.

This was her second,  _ fourth, _ chance at life. Was it something she was worthy of or was it circumstantial? She wanted to believe that she had been  _ rewarded _ , in a fashion, for all she had done to protect Earth and its people from threats they didn’t even know about, but she also wasn’t that conceited to be expecting praise. It would feel nice sure, something to stroke her ego, but the headaches associated… there wouldn’t be any peace. Maybe that was one of their better virtues, beyond what they did. They simply vanished after a fight, leaving a stunned populace that often vocalized varying remarks of decent to bad.

Remarks always seemed to follow them, a bare and distant thought echoed in her mind.

Some of them were in the spotlight though for other reasons. Ami was a literal genius after all, a smart mind and a caring personality. When she entered schooling to become a doctor, she would make a name for herself, of course. Makoto would likely be scouted by some Michelin star chefs to work in their restaurants if she didn’t become one herself. There was Michiru, a prodigy at both the violin and painting, and Haruka who raced as fast as the wind on the track, both with a car and her own feet.

The spotlight indeed.

Minako.

When she wasn’t droning on about her date and rekindling memories of things before unconsciously, she was singing or dancing or trying to get to the next talent agency call. It was painful to watch her never advance when she rarely seemed to have the opportunity to even attend in the first place. School exams notwithstanding, being a Senshi was a time commitment within itself. How would she handle it, being in the middle of a pageant and they needed her?

She could be flighty, but she doubted that the blonde was really that self serving. She did everything she could to cheer others up, even if it meant subjecting them to suspicious care when they had the flu. Like their own personal cheerleader, she was the morale of their entire team, picking them back up when the odds were hardly to their favor.

It was probably why it bothered her so greatly when she was not shining as brightly as she deserved to be. Something was always missing in her life, coming to the surface to peak out in rare moments before hiding under a careful facade. A loss and a guilt drove her to such extremes that if she wasn’t paying attention or didn’t know some of the backstory behind it, it would be far easier to chalk it down to blonde flightiness.

But there was also fear of the unknown. She had memories sure, detailed recollections of some things that had happened. If she focused enough she could recall the feelings that came with it. Sometimes the sounds, the physical contact. It wasn’t embarrassment, not  _ completely,  _ but it felt …  _ something  _ … to dwell on them. Could she, in the now, do the same things? If on cue she recalled a book and a door and instantly her face flushed.

That was going to answer that likely…

They had been older, the circumstances the same in some regards but they had a few more years of age that their relationship reaching that point wasn’t so …  _ something. _

Would it matter now? Was it critical? Did it  _ have  _ to happen?

_ If  _ it didn’t… not  _ right  _ away she was willing to admit to… it was something she’d prefer.

This though wouldn’t mean anything if Minako herself wasn’t even interested. All these plans and preferences would mean nothing if it simply  _ was  _ one sided. How she hoped though that, in this, she wouldn’t be alone. That really none of them would be, all things considering.

“Look at that blush. Finally decide to give Yuichiro a chance hmm?”

The voice startled her, eyes wide as she scrambled to both return her attention and awareness to the present and maintain her balance. At some point in her musings she had wandered outside, claiming a bench while reflecting on past and potential future relationships. Hours had passed she realized by the sun that began to sink below the skyline.

Words.

Her mouth refused to work to her satisfaction, opening to close and give way to swallows. The lack of immediate response, a delivered snappy retort brought a look of concern to the blonde’s features, along with a half step forward before she stopped.

“I- uhm. If this is a bad time I can come back later.” Uncertainty didn’t look good on Minako in the least, prompting her to finally  _ do something  _ instead of just sitting there in inactive silence.

“No… no please, stay. You startled me was all.” It was a bit absent minded as she gestured to the bench she sat on. That didn’t require words, and for that she was rather thankful. Not the still concerned look though, but it was becoming far more guarded as opposed to openly displayed as a look was cast her way.

One thing at a time.

Minako settled next to her, a respectful distance between them existing. It was a far cry of things before, when personal space meant absolutely nothing.

No matter which one of them it was not acknowledging it.

She waited though, pouring what felt like all that she was into self control to maintain her calm, collected breathing. She had waited  _ this  _ long sure, and she had waited  _ this  _ long. To continue to do so was unbearable. But she  _ had  _ to wait, she  _ had  _ to give that chance.

To the point when she finally reached her breaking point she felt fingers hesitantly entwine with her own to collect her hand loosely. Her gaze rose but the blonde wasn’t looking at her yet. Rather, her eyes were ages away, recalling things that, despite now, she wouldn’t be able to fully explain.

Finally though she looked over at her, fear and uncertainty flaring brightly around a bulwark of trembling courage. She met the look full on, willing as though it was an ability she possessed for something, anything to be said.

It came in the form of a softly vocalized question and a hesitancy in her hand. “Do you think this time will be different?”

* * *

_ ...I am born again blooming. _

**Author's Note:**

> A serious thank you to the little circle of people who have helped make this happen. So on to To the Victors, aka the D&D game gone awry, with this all being said and done.


End file.
